Reassigned

I remember when I was a Sophomore in High School adjusting to the school district having reassigned high school students from Victory to Franklin High School. I had gone to Victory from fifth grade through my Freshman year after moving there from four years at North Star Elementary in another village where our family had lived until my Dad had been reassigned to different churches. I had such great friends there at Victory and then the districts merged and we had to go by bus 25 miles each way because there was a bridge out along the way. 50 miles each day on the bus with friends from my old school and then thrust into the mix of students from Franklin High School. It wasn’t my choice. I was reassigned.

Then in the middle of my Junior year of High School, after only being there for a year and a half, my Dad was reassigned from one church he pastored to another, from a village to a town. We only moved a half dozen miles or so but it was a different school district, Grove City, and once again I was displaced. It was my third high school and I was with people I didn’t know at all. It wasn’t my choice. I had been reassigned schools because my Dad was reassigned jobs.

In the middle of the year, I had to adjust. I really had no choice but to make the best of it and so I tried to fit in. Fortunately, there were some really kind people at that school who took me in and befriended me as I befriended them. Many of them had been in school together since they were just young children. They knew each other well but some of them, that’s all I needed, some of them were the kindest and the best people to me. I had had such good friends before in my other schools and fortunately, I found some more friends in this new place.

I survived and even thrived in this new school with a new band to play trumpet in, a chorus to sing in, and friends who took a chance on befriending the new guy. I look back on those days with fondness and am so thankful that a time in my life that could have been so lonely, wasn’t.

Perhaps times of change like that when my Dad was reassigned or my school was reassigned prepared me for the life I have lived. Looking back I have been through a lot of changes, lived a lot of places, packed and unpacked a lot of boxes, and experienced both heartache and joy. Reassigned. Following where God sends. Where God leads me I will follow. 

It’s good you know to go when God says go. I’m in no way perfect and so many times in my life I have done less than my best, less than what I knew and know God wanted and wants. But still, I go. Again. And again.

Reassigned.

Everything Changes Instantly

This morning I was taking a walk like I always do. The air was just a little chilly even though it’s summer so I wore a long sleeve shirt with my shorts. It’s always a good choice to wear long sleeves when you know the weather will change because you can roll up the sleeves and just keep walking, not having to deal with taking off a jacket and tying it around yourself. Not that that is a big deal but hey, long sleeves are very practical, and besides I have some long sleeve shirts that I like to wear when I can, even in the summer. 

So I was walking along on the edge of the road, waving at the people in the cars driving by, and the cars would take a long berth around me so I didn’t have to get off into the grass that was wet from an early morning rainfall. That works well as long as you are willing to sometimes have a vehicle go by close to you if a car from behind you buzzes by at the same time and there isn’t much room between the cars. 

Today I was on the edge of the road, waving at people and not needing to pay much attention as I listened to a book in my earbuds. It was a good book and it drew my concentration in so much that as the car approached I didn’t realize how close the car was to me and I jumped in surprise when I saw it and slipped on the wet pavement, right into its path.

I kind of remember a bump from the first car and a screech and then two cars crashing as I flew in the air and landed on the hood of the second car and bounced off it onto the road. Horns seemed to be stuck on and people moaning and I realized that one of those persons was me. I looked over at the drivers both laying on the road. They must have come out through their windshields. It was horrible to see and for a moment I knew that they were lying bleeding on the road because of me because I hadn’t been paying attention and hadn’t stepped into the grass by the road. It was my fault. I knew that for a horrible moment. Then it was over. Instantly.

Slowly I woke up if you can call it waking up because it was unlike any other wake-up call I had ever received, and saw a young woman sitting at a table by herself. She seemed vaguely familiar but not really. She called me over to the table and stood up and hugged me. The hug felt good and I wasn’t sure where I was but the hug felt reassuring like I belonged there with her like we were somehow connected.

Still, in a bit of a fog, I thought she said that her name was Carolyn. I told her that I wasn’t sure who I was but she said not to worry about it. She seemed to know me already somehow and smiled and asked how I was feeling. I told her that I felt pretty good but couldn’t quite figure out not only who I was but where this place was. She said that she had felt that way too when she first got there. Just relax and breathe in the excellent air all around was her advice.

So I did. I breathed in the air first and that helped me to relax. I had never breathed in anything like that before. It was so refreshing and seemed to give me more life than I had ever known. My neck that had been a little stiff earlier when I was out walking on the road felt great now. If it could be possible I felt better than I ever had even though I knew that I was getting older and more aches and pains were coming my way. But the thing is, they weren’t. I had no aches and pains at all. 

She invited me to go with her over to the big buffet that was out and we loaded our plates with a variety of food. I got biscuits, bacon, pancakes, sausage, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried apples, and peanut butter pie. I had a lot of plates full and so did she with different foods. It all looked so good and though I couldn’t imagine that I could eat it all I got it anyway and took it to the table.

Bite after delicious bite I ate and enjoyed the food. It was so good. It reminded me of what Grandma, my Mom’s mother, used to cook when I was a boy and I thought of her. If I didn’t know better I might have thought that she had cooked all of this. It was so good and thinking of her brought back lots of good memories of those days, of being a boy.

Funny that childhood memories flooded back because usually I couldn’t remember much at all of those days, of those years. It had been like they had been wiped from my memory somehow but now they were all back. Details that I could see in my mind and the tastes of food that my senses told me were what I had eaten way back in my early years.

I was so distracted enjoying the food and the memories that I almost missed my companion telling me that I was welcome to go back for more food. I laughed and said did you see how much food I ate already but then realized that I wasn’t full. Not full at all. She nodded and laughed with me and we both went back for more food. This time I piled on fried potatoes and pumpkin pie and hamburgers and hot dogs and roast beef and strawberry cheesecake. I got a strawberry shake to go with the cheesecake and a giant glass of ice-cold root beer in a mug. Wow, did that bring back memories! 

I remembered growing up and I would be with my family and we would go out on Sunday evenings for cold root beer and the best ice cream around. I could taste it and also see my Mom’s face as she saw how much I enjoyed it. I stopped eating a moment and just looked and saw my Mom’s face in my memory and she seemed more real than I had ever known her. She was young and beautiful and laughing and taking me into her arms to hug me and tell me she loved me and always would.

Tears flowed down my cheeks as I thought of my Mom and how good it was to remember her. I knew that I hadn’t seen her this way in a very long time since she had died so very young. I thought about how that happening might have been why I had not been able to remember much of my childhood, that the sadness of losing my Mom made me feel sad to remember the earlier years and so I had pushed them back into my mind and not let them out.

But now that I felt safe in this place, wherever it was, I could let the memories back into my mind and into my life. It felt good.

As I looked at Carolyn next to me I had the strangest feeling that she reminded me of my Mom. I thought to myself that it must have been that I was just thinking of my Mom and so I saw a faint resemblance of her in this new acquaintance. But then she put her hand on mine and it was the warmest feeling I had had since arriving in this place. It wasn’t romantic it was…family.

Now I was really confused as I wanted to pull my hand back from her in one moment and wanted to hug her the next. Confused thinking of Carolyn and then realizing I had not heard her correctly at first and that she had known that I hadn’t. She patiently waited for me to comprehend. Her name wasn’t Carolyn. It was Madilynn. This woman. This companion in this place. This was Madilynn, my sister.

I grabbed her and held her close. I had thought all of the tears in my body had already gone with the thoughts of Mom but I was wrong. So many tears ran down my cheeks and onto hers as I remembered. We jumped around, it was like dancing, as memories flooded back of her teaching me to dance when I was young and had no clue how to do it.  Being so patient with me and dancing with me to the music from her radio.

Now another memory ran through my mind of her chasing me with a dish towel because I had done something that got her upset with me. The two of us running through our backyard. So many thoughts of growing up together that I hadn’t remembered in such a long time. 

Then thoughts of her at my house just ahead of my wedding day encouraging me and being there for me. Times hadn’t always been easy for her but there she was with hope for me.

It was only a couple of years after that when she died. In a car crash. Instantly. 

And now here I was. With her. Having died. In a car crash. Instantly. Too.